When I was 15 people told me I was beautiful, And I wanted to look them in the eyes and say what do you mean by that? What is beautiful? And why did you think I was so? But instead, I would smile at them and say thank you Because I did not want to come across as rude, not accepting their compliments. But how could I even accept it when I really never understood it.
When I was 15, people told me you were beautiful And I never really understood why people said it. Then I found out there were not talking about what I really was but how I actually looked.
When I was 15, people told me I was beautiful And I had to accept it the way they told me And it was a validation for my beauty . But I thought why can’t I feel beautiful on my own? Why do I need their comments to make me feel beautiful?
When I was 15 , make ups did not exist for me
For me, it was wearing loose clothes And acting to be me Until my classmates would laugh at me and Accusing me of being fake and “wanna be” But they did not realize themselves being a paint book Where they would wear makeups 2 inches thick and I would laugh Because the world thought that was a beauty.
When I was 15, people told me you were beautiful And when they said god doesn’t make mistake I would always want to scream out loud and say what about me? Because I always felt I needed correction When I saw myself in the mirror all I could see was my acne, my joint eyebrows , my teeth The fact that I didn’t coincide with all those girls in the magazine and the movies Made me want to stay up in a dark place all by myself.
The meaning of beauty changed for me one day. It all changed when I was on a crowded bus and a girl was laughing at the book she was reading. And in the hustle among the people , it distracted my mind and that was beauty to me It confused me for a moment because I wasn’t talking about her appearance. I ran home and look up the mirror and asked myself “are you beautiful?” And for the first time I was answered with yes you are And I repeated that 100 times until my ear heard the echo of the word .
I finally found the beauty around me and it was not people who look prettier It was the people and small things that made me happy each day It was everyone without whom my life would still have been a blank page It was the moment I was living in And that was all beauty for me.
People die with the fact that they are futile And they deserve to be set back They die and even live with the fact that They are not beautiful Just because people around them made beauty a dictionary definition. Well, don’t, because you are beautiful and you will always be one .
I am Jitendra Sahayogee, a writer of 12 Nepali literature books, film director of Maithili film & Nepali short movies, photographer, founder of the media house, designer of some websites and writer & editor of some blogs, has expert knowledge & experiences of Nepalese society, culture, tourist places, travels, business, literature, movies, festivals, celebrations.